Lost my Mum

sparkysx

sparkysx

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Hi,

Dunno if this is the best place to post this, I lost my Mum to a heart attack on 08/08/2021.

I just can't get my head around her not being here anymore, it was sudden, unexpected and a total shock. We never got to say goodbye to her, she's my Mum and has been around my whole life and i didn't get to say goodbye. My Dad found her collapsed downstairs just after 9:30 am and did cpr, her eyes were open but no signs of life so pretty sure she was already gone. We have worked out that he found her within a min or 2 at the most of her collapsing due to the fact that she read a whatsapp message at 9:33 am. The ambulance crew got her heart beating again, but she never breathed on her own or regained consciousness, so the last time my Dad saw her alive is after they had breakfast and she went downstairs to do stuff whilst he showered, so he didn't get to say goodbye either, after 48 years together he didn't get to say goodbye.
She was declared officially dead at 12:36 at Harlow hospital. I still can't belive this has happened and get tears in my eyes nearly everyday, just don't understand that I'm never going to see her again, it's hard to comprehend.

My vision of the future is they that would of both lived into their 90's and Dad probably would of died first because girls normally live longer, they were only a few months apart in age with him being slightly older.

I re watched the christmas 1982 video of us that I posted on here years ago and shes in it, and you can hear her voice, her voice hadn't changed since then.

Thanks if you read this, just wanted to tell someone about it, I'm broken and see no future at the moment.

She was 75 but looked 20 years younger.
 
theforceuk

theforceuk

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So sorry to read this, I know their is nothing any one can say to comfort you and life must seem pretty horrible at the moment. But time is a good healer and I’m sure your Mum would won’t you to live your life to the full. Take care.
 
Cazza

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As above, mate. Really sorry to hear this- incredibly tough to lose anyone close, least of all someone in your immediate family. As Adam says, time does help, even though it's unbearable now. I guess you've got to try and live the life your Mum would've wanted you to live, and stick together and be there for each other. So, so tough though ☹
 
StarWarsFan

StarWarsFan

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Oh no :(, so sorry to hear that mate. Like the others say time does help. Try to stay strong. I know it’s very hard. Take care.
 
Clawrence

Clawrence

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So sorry to here this mate, so sad for you and your families loss, please accept my deepest condolences.
 
Last edited:
W

weasel

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Sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my dad 8 years ago and I know what it's like. All I can say is stay close to your remaining family and talk to them, about your mum and about how you/they are feeling. They will know you and your mum the best and can sympathise and console you better than a bunch of us can on here.
Don't got in for any of that macho "I'm a man, I can't cry or talk about my feelings" bull ****. It does you know good. Long term the emotions need to be worked through. If you suppress them it only leads to problems down the road. You'll end up taking it out, subconsciously, on friends, family, kids etc.

It does get....."easier" isn't the word.....'less difficult' with time. You will always love and miss your mum, but as long as you remember her she is still with you. As the others have said, she wouldn't want you to mope around and put your life on hold all because she has gone. But the sudden nature of her passing will take you time to come to terms with. It's never nice to lose a parent, especially like that, but life does **** like that to us. Your mum knew you loved her, she knew your dad loved her. In a way her going like that was less bad than her dying slowly over years from cancer or dementia.
It's not nice, and nothing I/we say can make you feel better, but you know your mum loved you and that she knew you loved her.
That's all that matters. Remember the good days and try not to dwell on the bad.
 
Darth Bobby

Darth Bobby

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So sorry to hear about your Mum, especially as she went so suddenly. It’s hard to accept getting older, that’s the sad part of life I suppose and in no way easy. Sending best wishes, take care.
 
Snaketibe

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Thank you for sharing this tragic news. Like everyone else, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. It's indescribably horrible to lose someone close to you unexpectedly like that. I lost my eldest brother to suicide out of the blue many years ago, and it remains the worst event of my life. Weasel's right when he says that it does get less difficult over time, but it will take that time for it to happen. For a long period the emotions and the loss will still be raw and hurt like hell, but it will eventually get easier to cope with.

You never forget the one you've lost, and you'll find yourself thinking and dreaming about them for the rest of your life, but the immediacy of the pain does lessen with time. Please try to stay strong and present for your father and any other family members you have, as they too will be suffering as you are. Support and help one another and you will all get through this, and in the meantime your friends here on the forum will be a kindly ear and a comforting shoulder if you feel the need.

Jeremy
 
edd_jedi

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I'm really sorry to read this and hope you are OK, anything we can do to help please just let me know.
 
sparkysx

sparkysx

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Thanks for all the nice replies, it is helpful to read about other peoples experiences. Wish I was going to farthest from this weekend, but have to take up a laminate floor for my sister.
 
Michael Sith

Michael Sith

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i M sorry to hear about your loss, it s such a very difficult time for you.
the only advice I can give, is to remember and celebrate the wonderful memories you have of your Mum, and celebrate the special attributes she had for you and for others, we can’t turn the clock back, no matter how unjust or unfair it is, that’s the fickle nature of the human race, but you must look at the positivity of your Mums time on this earth
concentrate yourself on all the positives your Mum brought to your life and the special person to you that she was, and be there for your Dad
together celebrate all the Good things about your mum, be there for your dad and remember all the good times.

this Christmas will be a sad time as you have lost your mum, but remember her and make this a Christmas a celebration in her name, make this Christmas about your Mum, your memories of who she was and what she meant to you and your dad. We lose people, but really we don’t they are in your heart and they dictate how you live your life, so really they are still here with us in every thing we do, celebrate your Mums life …not your loss

my
heart is with you, remember a mum is forever!

celebrate your mums impact on this earth as a really wonderful thing
 
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TheJabbaWookie

TheJabbaWookie

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So sorry to read about this. My wife lost her dad this year and my nana passed away a less than a week ago. But I can’t begin to comprehend what you’re going through, especially not having the chance to say goodbye. Thinking of you and anyone who’s lost a dear relative recently, this Christmas.
 

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