Weddings and regrets - this’ll be super cheery

[lejackal]

So I don't really want to have this on "socials", or start the conversation in the real world so you lucky ****ers get to wade in (or completely ignore things), either way.

Me and Mrs lejackal (but not Mrs, as I've not made her an honest woman) have been together 15 years or so. We've got the kids, the house, the dog etc etc, but no rings, no certificate and no photos that cost thousands. We're not even engaged.

We've spoken about it loosely over the years, but spent maybe five years caring for her dad, so it wasn't really at the top of the list. Probate and all that goes with it took another five and now we're renovating to an extent. We've missed her parents seeing the "big day" (father sadly passed and mother somewhat estranged), but my parents could potentially still at least see their eldest kid do good.

I want to get married, her indoors (jks) wants to (I think), neither want to spunk 20k on it.

We both want something fairly low key, either are religious, but we want close friends to have fun. We both love Oban and the isles, but my parents health potentially precludes using that as a base, equally the **** off and do it on the beach option might be out.

What would you do, or consider? Have a legal and local wedding that infirm parents might get to witness, and then have the friends version elsewhere (or do it the other way around potentially)

Or do something else?

Not the usual light banter I appreciate, but I'd appreciate any thoughts!

 

[Snaketibe]

When a pair of my friends got married a few years ago, they didn't have a lot of money to spend on a fancy wedding, and so they went down the register office route. Only very close family and friends were in attendance at that low-key ceremony, but then lots of people were invited to the reception afterwards. That reception was held in the admittedly large back garden of the mother of the groom. True, they were blessed with lovely sunny weather, but it was easily the nicest wedding I've ever attended (and I really don't enjoy going to weddings). Everyone had a good time, the happy couple got married with their parents in attendance, and no one spent the Earth achieving it

Jeremy

 

[cracatilla]

When me and the mrs got married we flew to Las Vegas and got the deed done by Elvis at the Graceland Chapel. Didnt tell anyone about it. Had no guests, no family, no one else there just me and her. Sent a mass text to everyone inviting them to watch the live stream about 15 minute before it happened

 

[StarWarsFan]

When I got married we kept it very low key. Got married in register office invited very close family and handful of friends in total was 26 including Ellie and I for the reception had it in a local hotel, nice meal and had during the week kept the price down.Didn't bother with a night do as seemed unnecessary.

 

[edd_jedi]

I can definitely relate to this mate - while I wanted to get married, I didn't really want a wedding. Not only the huge cost (surely you have to be mad to spend twenty grand on ONE AFTERNOON) but also the speeches, the first dance, the band, the 300 guests you've met once before, it's all my idea of hell. I don't particularly enjoy going to other people's weddings, the thought of having to go through all that being the center of attention and unable to escape terrified me.

So we had a (relatively) small wedding with close family and friends at a very small church, with Star Wars music on the organ as we walked out followed by lunch at my wife's parents house, and it then finished at 4pm, at which point we went to stay in a nice local hotel for the evening and everyone else went home. It was great and I really enjoyed it.

People asked why it was so short, why there was no first dance, and I was quite happy to tell them it was because that's what I wanted.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is do it on (both of) your terms, that's all that matters, sod everyone else.

 

[lejackal]

Thanks Edd. My only real worry is mum and dad seeing it. Dad can't currently walk, and is 95-100% deaf, mum is a bit mobile, but anything beyond the end of the garden is pretty much a wheelchair, or extremely careful manoeuvring with her stick. If star wars could be incorporated somewhere that would be great, well done for getting that included!

 

[Mini99]

The most important thing, is to do what you two want, as they say "it's your day" and hopefully you'll only ever do it once.
There's no need to spend a fortune, we certainly didn't, memories are what it's all about.
Have you brought the subject up with your folks?
Might be a good idea to get some idea of what they think, they may be happy with a video, some pictures and a bit of cake, you don't know until you ask.
Whatever you decide to do, please let me know in advance so I can get my suit organised.

 

[weasel]

I was very similar to edd. Alaramingly similar. I don't mind weddings of close friends and family but the majority are endured rather than enjoyed. I never grew up dreaming of getting married and I despise dancing with a passion. Never danced, would sooner cut my balls off with a rusty chainsaw. I'm also a devout atheist so standing in a church and vowing before some sky fairy seemed incredibly hypocritical.
The wife did want to get married, and to be fair, I am a bit old school, I would prefer to be married before kids come along than not. No issue with those who aren't (my brother isn't) it just felt like the right thing to do in my mind.

We ended up with a Humanist wedding. They allow you to incorporate a few elements that are religious (for the wife) but you don't have to mention god and you can have the service pretty much anywhere (that has a licence for weddings). Our Celebrant, what they call the Priest/Minister, was happy to do pretty much what we wanted, within reason.
It also helped with the fact we are a 'mixed marriage' which means something very different in Norn Iron to what you guys associate it with. The joys of living in a backward part of the world.

As the others have said, if you're getting married, it's your day you can do it your way. You could do a registry service and be legally married then ask a minster/celebrant to do a non legally binding ceremony elsewhere. Or you could do the islands with a minister/celebrant and then ask them to do the non legally binding version somewhere with your folks. There are tonnes of options